Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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