So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
