I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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