Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
