the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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