Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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