do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
