can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish I only lived at night.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
