i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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