haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
