when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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