just come out here and I will go home with you...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
