I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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