i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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