I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
