Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
