I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
