Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
