Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
