The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
