We're like a lot better than the average bears
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My vagina just recognized that song.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
