Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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