You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
