at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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