Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I puked a lego.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
