Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
