oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
