I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He did a backflip because drugs
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
