I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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