My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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