i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
