I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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