Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
