for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
