Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
