i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
