Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They took my balls.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
