Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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