I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I've blown a few things in my day
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
