It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
