look no pants
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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