i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
