What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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