Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
