i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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