She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
