oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
