So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
