dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
