I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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