you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
