I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
