I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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